An Englishman in West Virginia

On the rare occasion that I speak to a stranger for more than a few moments I usually do not have any problems. Small talk seems to be universal no matter what accent. There have been those special moments in which what I'm trying to convey is just lost in translation and I wanted to share a few highlights while I was thinking about it.

1. Every time I order at the drive-thru at Tudors. Here is a real life example:
"Dot-tea, please."
"What?"
"A Dot...Tea biscuit."
"A BLT?"
"No."
"Oh a dau-tey."

2. Ordering water. Again, a true story:
"A bot-tal of warter please"
(confused look from the server)
"Erm, would you like Coleslaw with that?"
(Even more confused look from me)
"Um, no thanks. Just the warter"

3. Trying to tell Hoyt I wanted to see Paul Blart: Mall cop
"I want to see Paul Blart: Mool cop"
"Which movie?"
"Mool cop"
"What?
"Mool cop? With Kevin James."
"Oh... Maul Cawp"

That makes me think. "Maul Cop" could be a great horror sequel.