Perspective is all relative

Einstein made famous the notion of time being relative. The example I think he used goes something like: 5 minutes can seem to pass quickly when you are in the arms of your lover but would seem like a lifetime when you are sitting on a hot stove. It make a lot of sense to me and makes me think about how my perspective on other things in life can change in an instant. For example, before we adopted the kittens I would browse the list on pet finder just looking for interests sake rather than looking for a pet. At that point in time it would feel like none of the pets would ever find a home. I felt sad looking at the long list of great pets that have to live in the cramped and crappy conditions of the shelter.

The perspective can quickly change when you suddenly are looking to adopt. Then your thinking changes to "I better get down to the shelter before someone else gets there and adopts the cat I want!" as if people are streaming down to the shelter adopting left, right and center. Isn't that strange?

I think it's part of the reason Ebay has been so successful too, especially for folks like me. When it's something I don't want to buy I scoff at other user's wondering what they were thinking trying to sell THAT. When it's an item I really want I'm desperate to procure it, imagining that in a warehouse somewhere in the hills there are 10,000 computers and 10,000 operators all logging into Ebay to purposefully outbid me on a PC-CDROM version of Blade Runner from 1997 and so I must log on 10 billion times a day in order to outbid the unseen masses.

What's worst is that advertisers and retailers know this. They are master manipulators of our strings causing us to spend thousands on stuff we didn't really want but thought we had to get before they all sold out. Look for this especially at Christmas time when mysterious articles appear in the press announcing the "must-have" toy for Christmas long before it is actually "must-have".

Just a couple of Friday questions

Just a couple of questions floating around my head today. Both vaguely "time" themed in two different ways:

I was at the cinema last week watching "Predators" (which was awesome fun, despite any sign of Arnie or Jesse Ventura) and noticed (as I have done on several occasions) two guys walking in together and sitting down in their seats with a space between them. One empty seat splitting them. Why is this? It's 20-freaking-10. You are grown mid-20-something year olds. This is not 5th grade P.E. where simply admitting friendship with another boy will result in outcries of "Gaylord! Gaylord!" for the next 18 years of your life (and counting!).

Two queens forget the "one seat" rule

How does one seat even make a difference? You still invited another dude to come sit with you in a dark room for 2 hours. On a Saturday night. And brought "snacks".

PLLUSSSSSS!!!! - It was really freakin distracting when you had to reach over to kiss.
Also on my mind is this:

I was on the phone today with one of those mail places. The ones that photocopy, fax, take your UPS deliveries, sell you packaging stuff and have an endless supply of peanuts.

Dry Roasted or lightly salted?

I needed to run down there and drop off a fed-ex parcel but wanted to make sure the driver hadn't already been and gone. So I said:

"Hi, umm what time do you guys close today?"

"It's Friday so 5pm"

"Great, has your Fed-Ex already been?"

"Yeah, he came in about an hour ago and we usually have to give him 3 hours warning (WTF?)"

"Oh, O.K. Any ideas?"

"Well, how big is your package?"

"....."(laughs until cries)"...."(hangs up).

Question: Is that SO wrong?

"It's THIS big"

Sick and knowing someone

Yer that's me right now. Fighting off a cold. Not the "Ted Bundy" kinda sick but it's stopped me from feeling like doing things like blogging, tidying and well everything outside of just sitting and eating bagfuls of Cadbury Mini-eggs.

Anyway, I thought I'd throw in another blog post about social skills because I'm fascinated by them and I'm one of those guys that won't just do something the same way over and over again just because it's always been done that way and so I like to examine why us humanoids do things the way we do, over and over again.

Today I'm intrigued by the concept of knowing another person. Not in the biblical sense, mind you, before those of you in the back of the room start snickering. I mean how much should you really know someone else? When it comes to partners we are basically expected to know everything. Where they grew up, who there idol is, what is the favourite type of ice-cream etc.. and in this situation knowing these things and remembering them doesn't freak them out. In fact it comforts and sometimes impresses them.

But let's say you meet a new person. They tell you a couple of things about themselves and then 3 months later you meet again. You say something like "Oh, and how is your dog doing now? And have you finished that class you were taking? Did you end up going to see Avatar in the end?" and you have probably weirded them out.

Those "rules" are pretty simple to follow. Where the line blurs is with friends who you are close to. I think this is probably more true for guys..when talking to both guy friends and female friends. If I suddenly told my friend Geoff I remember his shoe size, ice cream flavour and first pet name I'm certainly heading into weirded out territory. Equally I'm probably getting a restraining order against me if I approached a female friend and recalled what dress she wore to the prom and what the colour of her toothbrush is without the topic of conversation being about either of these things.

So, how much should you really know about a friend (and more importantly admit to remembering)? I think I can stick to these guidelines:

1) It depends on the friend
2) It depends what you know
3) If they ain't talking about it, don't bring it up.
4) Don't ask, don't tell.

More action, less thoughts

Last night laying in bed I sighed.

Life is a tricky little thing to master. I mean there is a lot to do with running an everyday life, paying bills, going to work, doing laundry, keeping the house tidy etc.. Add to that occasions such as Thanksgiving and Christmas and the whole Busyometer gets cranked up another notch. Not to mention if you have kids or pets or other family members living with you. Oh, and don't forget to make time for your friends and have some sort of social life that exists outside of the telemaphone and computermagig. Of course we should remember to also have our free time activities. Things we do to relax or unwind after a hard day of...well, modern life I suppose.

I sighed last night because I read a saying that "The universe rewards actions, not thought" and pondered on how very true that statement is. While I do complete a lot of actions each week just living through life, I have many more thoughts about things I could be doing. Things that I would enjoy doing but take some extra effort, time and planning to accomplish.

I sighed again just now reading a saying on a blog that basically said that "when I die I will be happy because I know I used all the talents that I was given" and I wondered if I really was using all my talents and really pushing myself to use all of my potential. In the end, I suppose, that is what separates the brilliant and noteworthy from the average and forgotten.

(Tweet version of this blog post: OMG. Just read sayins bout using ma talents LOL Am so lazzee!!!11)

Notes from a conference

Just some observations and musing about a conference I was away at this week:

1. I can't stand smarmy business guys who hang out at the hotel bar late at night, talk loudly and laugh louder, are still dressed in their work shirts and then walk around like they own the place. Give it a rest fellas and stop trying to pretend that you hang out at bars all the time and not just when you are away from the wife and kids for 3 days a year at a conference.

2. Speaking to strangers sounds better in practice than in reality. People are weird.

3. Speech Pathologists seem to be very angry people.

4. If a presenter has to read everything on their powerpoint out loud then they should reconsider presenting.

5. Free coffee and muffins should be a must.

6. Seats that are uncomfortable after 30 mins are not any more comfortable after an hour and 15 minutes.

7. Smart/Business casual does not equal "Jeans and a tee".

8. All hotels should have free wifi or at least a reasonable rate i.e. not $9.95 a day.

9. A presentation doesn't have to have humour in it. But it sure helps.

Learning a skill

Have you ever thought about how you ended up knowing how to do so many things? Do you remember learning to tie your laces for the first time? Riding a bike? Driving a car? Those were pretty tricky at first but I bet you didn't do it alone, right? I know that I didn't. In fact, I find it difficult learning new skills on my own. I do much better when I see someone else showing me what to do. Not just telling me or talking me through but actually showing me. I tend to learn the best that way and pick up the skill a lot faster.

It's probably why I am terrible at writing computer programs or flash animation. The only instruction I have had is through reading tutorials and never actually had someone explain the subtle parts that can effect the learning of all that new information. I have the motivation I just don't have the skills and the right instructor.

As we become increasingly dependent on technology I wonder for how long we will actually have human instructors for any skill. Let's take something like how to wash a car. In under 5 minutes I can find a dozen websites or slideshows or videos instructing me how to wash a car, be more efficient and get better results. There was no social interaction, no father-son/mother-son bonding that took place. Just 5 minutes of searching and 5 minutes of reading and now I know a little more about how to wash a car.

I wonder if all information will eventually end up being relayed this way. Will parents simply be caretakers rather than instructors on life skills? Telling their kids to "look it up" if the kids don't know? Or perhaps worse, told "Just pay someone else to do it for you".

Watching The Matrix I always loved that part when Neo is plugged into the machine and he learns how to fight in a million different styles. I used to think learning that way would be great. I just plug myself into my laptop and bam! I know Chinese. But in doing so I've missed out on that bond between instructor and learner. I missed out on overcoming difficulties, building on successes and gaining self-esteem from accomplishing a difficult goal. I've missed out on a lot of great and painful opportunities and taken the easy route.

My best example of this is probably learning to shave. I grew up with my mother and two brothers. My older brother wasn't likely to help me out any so I basically had to learn how to do it myself. I would watch closely and pay attention if it was featured on tv. I remember Homer showing Bart how to shave, cutting himself several times and applying small bits of tissue paper to his face. But I also just asked my friends about it. Especially those who obviously had had to start earlier than me. I would learn from their mistakes or success and then go home and improve. Growing up now I could have looked it up but is that really better in the long run?

Quit bugging me

I've never really been much of a fan of insects. I don't mind the slow moving, kinda neat ones but anything that stings, flies in my face or generally likes to land on my skin is something that must be swatted away. I think this summer war has been raged against me on behalf of the insect kingdom. Probably due to years of provocation from me and also due to the fact I uttered the phrase (outside, none the less) that I "rarely ever get bitten". After this year I am retiring that phrase.

This year a mere trip the trash can out side will result in something eating at my skin. Sometimes it's a vulnerable bare piece of arm. At other times it's a hidden spot on my foot. As I prepare to don my HAZ-MAT suit and run outside to my car I offer a truce, a peace and a white flag to all the insects and bitey-things of the world.


Bug(ger) off please.

We need more holey socks

Sometimes I realize that I don't quite think the way some "regular" folks do. I tend to notice small details that really aren't important, I think people look like celebrities when in fact they bare no resemblance, I can't tell a decent story or long joke, I have poor self-biographical memory..the list goes on.

This week I've been thinking about holey socks. I gather the usual rule of thumb is "sock with holes? Throw it out...and cut your nails while you are at it...and buy some new socks". But why is there a need to throw out the old holey socks? They are still comfortable, they still cover the foot (mostly) and now they even allow some air to get in and out. This all equates to the fact that with or without a hole they are still fulfilling their function and thus must remain in the sock drawer.

However, what about the issue of sock selection. Your socks are all balled up in the drawer so how do you know which sock is holey and which is still decent? This decision doesn't have to be made on a day where you aren't taking off your shoes..but let's say you are invited over to a friend's or families' house? Then you start to sweat..."am I wearing the holey socks today??" What a faux pas that would be to have a hole in one's socks in public.

To me, it seems like one of those things that social is a big no-no but logically it doesn't really make sense to throw out a sock with a tiny hole or tear in it.

Now what about if it was a shoe? A few years back I actually wore shoes to work that I had worn so much that I had rubbed a hole in the bottom of the shoe. Or the ground had rubbed a hole. Either way, on a bad weather day I would end up with a wet sock. The top of the shoe looked great, though. I guess I had just traversed rough terrain. So, I put up with it for a couple of weeks or so. I even came up with a solution. Cardboard inserts! This worked for awhile but I had to keep changing the cardboard and it was more effort than sorting through my holey socks so I declared to Miss Allclick "I've had enough. I've gotta throw this shoes out. Time to fork out money for a new pair" (This is where I obviously don't think the same way as some folk). She said to me "Just take them to a cobblers."

Of course! The cobblers! So, I did. I had a new heel added (it was worn too) and the hole mended.

I think I managed to get another few months out of those shoes. When I finally wore them to the shoe shop to buy new shoes the shop assistant could hardly conceal her excitement as she offered to dispose of my old ones.

Road Weary

I've been on the road a lot this week. Probably going to be up to about 400 miles total by Friday but to be honest, driving in WV is usually a pleasure. Especially during the day when the motorways aren't very busy and I can just take in the scenery. I even prefer the lush green leaves of spring and summer to the -shock- browns of autumn. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the fall leaves, but to me it signals the coming cold weather.

I often get asked about what it is like learning to drive on the other side of the road. I usually say "the real problem is driving on the other side of the car". It's my stock answer but it's true. It's still hard for me to judge the right side of the car but hopefully I'm slowly getting better. Just don't watch me park. Mostly, I do just fine. Occasionally I'll accidentally blow through a stop sign at an empty, remote junction because I have missed it. Rarely, I'll pull onto the other side of the road and usually only when it's an unmarked road and I'm singing to my radio.

Navigating the roads here can be a gamble though. Some junctions looked like Picasso drew them up and you kinda have to guess where you will end up off the exit and how to get back on. There are also WAY too many stop lights. We need more roundabouts because a) they work great for a lot of traffic at busy sections, b) they are super cheap and don't stop working when the power goes out and c) they can look pretty.

So, write to your local representative and demand more roundabouts (circles) and say goodbye to getting caught by all 5 red lights on the way into Huntington.

Chore day and random thoughts

Anyone with me in trying to create a mandatory 3-day weekend?? I need Saturday to decompress from the week, do some shopping, go to stores that aren't open on Sundays and generally chill out. Then Sunday to get my chores done, tidy the house, get ready for the next week. If only I had an extra day to recover from my chore day.
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Ever finish an item on your to-do list only to find out it's not a "done" as you thought it was? Seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I'll call/mail/fax something as required and think "great, one less item off my list" and then 5-10 days later I'll get a call/fax/mail/pigeon telling me that "no, you need to do this this AND this to complete it" or "Sorry, we half assed our end, so you'll have to do it again". Seems like most of the mistakes are not in my favour either. All this technology and life still doesn't seem any easier.
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After seeing "Orphan" last night I officially still have "the willies". Very creepy movie. If you are a horror fan or thriller fan it's worth a look just to see what evil looks like. Right before the movie there was a preview for the movie "District 9" which looks good and "The Book of Eli", although that movie doesn't come out until January next year.

Speaking of movies. If you have netflix and enjoy a good mystery/thriller, check out "Elsewhere" which you can watch for free online through your account. Despite the average reviews on imdb it's was actually a surprisingly decent movie. I attribute the reviews to the fact that it tries to sell itself as more of a horror story (which it isn't at all) and that most reviewers on imdb are douches.

Sorry bloggers

sorry to all. I have been away for a while. You might not have noticed. But if you did I'm sorry for the lack of contributions. Hopefully over the next couple of days I can get my thoughts together and write about some of the things on my mind: Health care, Freedom of Speech, distrust of "out-of-towners" and why the British sing with an American accent. Perhaps it will all just be one big, long, rambling essay...or maybe I'll just review Terminator: Salvation like I promised.

Twisted logic

Every now and then I'm reminded that I tend to have my own personal logic that isn't quite the same logic someone else might follow.

Playing a game of Scene it: Television Edition a couple of nights ago for the first time, I was reading the rules allowed:

" It says "We roll the dice to see who goes first". I really don't see the point in that". I said.
"What do you mean?" Replied Ms. Allclick.
"Well how do we decide who rolls first to see who goes first in the game? Why doesn't whoever was going to roll first, just roll first for real and start the game?"
"You do see why that makes no sense?".

She ended up going first.

And winning.

The great resist

I love technology. I understand it (mostly) and appreciate it and embrace it.

I'm also the kind of person that never wore what "the cool kids" were wearing when I was at school. We actually wore uniforms but that just meant that the brand of shoes you wore was important or what type of polo shirt you wore for gym. I never bought brand names, really. I preferred to a) save money and b) just wear what I thought looked good. I didn't really like the idea of paying $20 more just because this t-shirt has a swoosh on it or that trainer had a Puma on it as it seemed like some sort of scam that few had actually noticed. You were basically paying to fit in. Another reason I didn't like buying brand name clothes was because I didn't like following the crowd.

Which brings me back to my first sentence. I don't like following the crowd. If I hear a lot about a band, I usually stay away from them until I can listen and appreciate them for just the music, not the hype. I'm the same way with websites. Despite loving technology I still resist Facebook and Twitter. I'm not entirely sure why. Some of it is that it would take up time I really don't have. Another part is that everyone who I want to speak to me has my email or phone number or otherwise know how to get a-hold of me so Facebook really would just attract folk that I really don't miss. But I think a big part of it is the whole "joining the crowd" thing.

In saying that, I think I have some exceptions. I don't mind joining the long line at the movie theater to catch the over-hyped summer blockbusters. Going to the movies seems to somehow escape from the "joining the crowd" category. I suppose it's because people have been going to see movies for a long time. I also won't hesitate to buy a popular video game (although standing in line outside of gamestop is a little too much for me).

I guess I did jump on the blogging wagon but I swear I didn't know what I was getting into when I started. Thanks again Filmgeek!

A rolling stone

The old saying about "gathering no moss" is in my head today so I thought I'd post again. It's back to the dentist today for me but perhaps I should give some credit to my favourite candy snack at the moment: Milk duds. I can't remember if I mentioned them before but I'm really in a Milk dud phase right now. I don't really like to chew on them (unless I have a spare ten minutes to get them out of my teeth) but i can suck a few and it means I eat about 6 pieces of candy an hour and then I'm done. I usually make a box last a couple of weeks.

Thanks to easter and Ms. Allclick buying me some Cadbury's Mini eggs, I am also reminded how much I love Cadbury chocolate. It's a shame it's just so expensive over here because it's way better than Hersey. Another expensive but delicious treat are Rolo's. I try snap them up at CVS when they are on sale and are also great for sucking on.

Let me know your favourite candy because there is/are lots I haven't tried or sometimes it's just the same candy we had in England just packaged differently, or named differently. Like Milky Way is called a Mars bar in England.

Further Dental Musings

I thought I'd write a little about my visits to the dentist. I actually have a couple more visits to go, making it a total of 5 in just a few months but it hasn't been all that bad so far. I must admit, I haven't been in a looooong time so I was dreading going. It was bad enough not having been to the dentist for a whlie but what added to the cringe factor was walking into the dentists as a stereotypical Englishman with bad teeth. I could only hope that someone with less/worse teeth than I was the patient before me. I was thankfully spared any references to such a stereotype but it still added to my initial anxiety.

Another factor was that when I was a kid I had a lot of dental work done. I had teeth pulled, multiple fillings, braces, gold and silver crowns (arr! Precious pieces of 'ate!) and all at the low, low cost of nothing (thanks Mr. NHS). So, I was fully expecting the dentist to take one look at my teeth and then gasp, before running screaming from the room. I also would not have been surprised if he suddenly acted like a mechanic "ohh yer, i see ya problem. Tut Tut. That's gunna be expensive. And I'll have to order in those parts." However, I was delighted when all I needed was a possible root canal and a filling. Just two problem teeth. I was amazed.

I called my mum up to tell her about it. I said "You know, I think my old dentist must have been on the take when I was younger".
She replied "Your probably right".

My view on dentists has since changed. Even the root canal (which turned from a "possible" into a "definitely") was relatively painless and my mouth fully recovered in a few days. I was even eating Milk duds that evening.

Dental Musings

Ive been to the dentist a lot recently. I wonder whether a gold tooth would make me look more like a pirate or a gangster.

Arrr...the pain shivers all me timbers.

Poilce Stop

A couple of nights ago Ms. Allclick and I got the "Joneses" for some delicious take out ice cream. We hopped into the car in sweat pants and t-shirts we wear around the house and set off on our merry way. The bank is only just over the hill so we thought "why not just pick up some cash while we are out?". Great idea until we crested the hill and realised it was 10:00pm on a weekend and a perfect time for police to do a sobriety check point. Luckily the traffic wasn't too bad going one way so I was quickly approached by a poilce officer. "Good evening folks" he said, shining his light into my eyes and then the back of the car "Haven't been drinking tonight......havewe?" He crammed those last two words together quickly. I laughed a little and said no and he let us on our way. We hadn't been drinking but I was still a little nervous from the situation. My previous experience with police had been more formal and cold. This police officer was polite, friendly and asked us about our drinking like a dad would his son on the way home from prom. I couldn't help but be amused. After reaching the bank we then had to turn around and come back through. This time a lady officier approached the window. "you guys not been drinking tonight have you? Well, actually I don't care if she has been drinking but have you?" I laughed a little again. She was so casual and we really didn't look like we had been to a bar that evening. Again, I said "no" and we moved along. Thanks local police for doing a great job. I hear Pittsburgh might need some training from you.

Food Dominance

About 2 million years ago man was evolving. There was a daily battle for survival which involved staying safe, hunting and looking after the family. Simple but dangerous and hard times indeed. A lot has happened since then including the way we look at the one of our most basic needs: food. It progressed to a three day meal cycle of breakfast lunch and dinner (although my grandmother insisted on supper too) but even three meals a day is not enough it seems. Now, food seemed to have permeated every aspect of our lives like microwaves into a pot noodle. It has become a constant companion akin to the mobile phone and wallet. No, we aren't carrying around minuscule, space age meals-in-a-pill but we are allowing it into areas of our lives it doesn't rightly belong (In this, I include taking a bottle of water to just about anywhere you go acting as if we are in a third world country without adequate clean tap water). People now eat just about anywhere. In their cars, at their desks at work, in business meetings, in lectures at school, in the classroom, at sporting events, concerts, the movie theater...the list goes on. It is no wonder that the obesity rates are increasing as our availability of food increases and our external restraints on where food is allowed are increasingly removed (I think we all know that we need those external restraints as TV and the Internet destroyed our willpower several years ago). I fear that if food was in the air would we "breathe" it 24/7 until our vast, blubbery bodies gave out on us.

It's a social obligation that we must make eating food more taboo. Fatty foods could be taxed, sure. We could ban food from certain places (although cinemas would go out of business), but I think to have the most impact we need to become revolted by the sight of say, someone eating a burger in a moving vehicle. It needs to become absolutely disgusting for a person to chow down some grub in the doctor's waiting room. Eating food in the classroom should be the pinnacle of bad taste, lame-ness and should be completely wedgie worthy.

Thus I implore you to stop eating all over the place and try and resist that bagel during the meeting today. Your making us all hungry.

Mildy annoying things that people say

1. People who say "Legos" instead of "Lego".
2. People who say "uh-huh" when I say "Thank you".
3. The additional item they offer you at the drive through - "..and would you like a new fish taco burger melt with that?"
4. The saying " At the top of the hour". Especially when it is overly abused by HLN's Showbiz tonight.
5. The phrase "Biased Liberal Media" without actually saying who they are talking about.

Bah, it's Monday!

Happy St. Paddy's day

Hope y'all had a good one! I didn't get to drink any Guinness (thankfully) or green beer but still had a lovely day soaking up that sun! Now don't you all forget St. George's day (23rd April). I expect to see everyone wearing bowler hats or drinking umm Newcastle brown ale and eating Heinz Beans.

Which reminds me. Anyone see Watchmen yet? The beans that Rorschach eats in Daniel house are Heinz in the Comic but clearly not Heinz in the movie. How disappointing.