Old Friends update

Well as of this week I have had a lot of replies to my sending out of emails to my old friends. I have been very pleasantly surprised. Mostly they tell of good news which is great but it's funny what some folks end up doing for a living considering what I knew about them a few years ago.

It's been a worthwhile experience for me so I'm glad I went ahead and did it. Even if everyone doesn't reply I'll be happy. I had a few people say "Why aren't you on facebook??" surprised that I would dare not to join the social networking giant. Well, why would I? You use it to keep in contact with friends. You have my email so just hit reply. Job done.

Reaching out: Minor update

Well after sending out my three emails I had two BIG replies back! Both friends stated in two different ways that *I* shouldn't have been out of contact for so long! I didn't mind though. At least it showed they wanted me to get in touch. Spurred on by this response I sent out a flood of probably 10 short emails to old friends today and replied to the two original responses.

I have recently been reflecting after hearing some bad news that I received after contacting one of my best friends via email, and some possible bad news from another friend. I have heard people before say "Why does allow bad things to happen?" and what I'm reminded is that I am more grateful for good things in my life today having listened to my friends bad news. If bad things never happened, then by definition good things couldn't happen because there would not be anything to contrast them with. I suppose it would end up a very bland life indeed.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring to my inbox.

Reaching out

It's nearly Christmas. That's right. I said it. I know this as Wal-mart is currently playing Christmas music. I can usually rely on Wal-mart to tell me what time of year it is and have disposed of my calendar. Christmas is no longer a one day event but a huge 60 day on going affair of celebration and "spend"-ery. As it will soon be Christmas, it's time to start thinking about buying gifts and sending cards to people you know. This process is usually straight forward. I just buy things for people in my direct circle of contact or my closest family members. I decided to reach a little further out of my zone this year and get in contact with old friends and send them a card too but it was a difficult decision to make. I began writing my first email to a friend and asking for their home address. It may have seemed a little strange as we hadn't been in contact since January 2008 but I thought "what have I got to lose?". As I was writing I was overcome with a feeling. I suppose it was anger or just confusion. I mean, why was *I* the one making all the effort. Why haven't I been contacted for my address? I had to push through this and sent the email.

I figure that perhaps they are saying the same thing and if everyone continues to say and think that then nothing will ever happen. So, I made the first step. This morning I had zero responses in my email. I think I managed to finish three emails so far so I'm "oh" for three right now. But I'll keep my chin up, my upper lip stiff and continue down my list.

Friendship

Isn't friendship a difficult thing to manage? After playing "The Sims" video game I often wish that I had a way of finding out how close I was to someone and how close they were to me, simply by reading a bar with a number on it. It would be really easy to tell when someone didn't like you. "Oh, I see I met Dave the other week and he seemed like a pretty nice bloke *checks relationship number* crap. I like Dave 45 out of 100 and he feels -10 towards me." Much, much simpler.

When I was at school I tended to have a lot of acquaintances and people who I liked and who liked me but never really had a close group of "friends". I could tolerate being in a group of people and was accepted but I could only ever feel close to one person at a time. Today I still have a great friend from my High school days and he is able the only person I wanted to stay in touch with. He has always been there for me, we have a lot in common, a similar sense of humour. He even wants to travel over here to visit.

When I went to University for my undergrad, I didn't know anyone and no one knew me. It was like a fresh start. I ended up meeting and gaining a large group of people I considered my "friends". They cared about me, looked out for me, respected me and importantly made an effort in our relationship to spend time with me and want to spend time with me. One of my closest male friends would always ask me to join him no matter what he was doing, he would listen to my stories and crazy ideas and support me when I needed it. I hope I did the same for him.

I lived with three guys. It was actually a surprisingly clean house and we didn't allow parties...mainly because we didn't want to clean up anyone else's crap. I lived with them for three years and so we were able to get pretty close. One night about 6 years ago now I was out clubbing with my friends and housemates. I was on an upper balcony and was gesturing with my bottle of beer over the rail. Turns out the security guard under me wasn't too impressed and raced up to quickly escort me out of the building. I wasn't too happy about that at all and felt pretty alone and embarrassed out in front of the club. I started the long walk home. I was maybe 40 feet away from the building and I hear my name being called out behind me. It was one of my housemates. We walked home together, grabbed some food and chilled out at home. It was totally unexpected and still means a lot to me today, that someone would give up their evening (and it about 9pm or so) to keep me company, not desert me and cheer me up.

For the last couple of years I've struggled with friendships. Being miles away from my old friends makes it difficult to keep a good relationship going. Thankfully we now have emails and text messaging and skype (and yes I do remember a time before these inventions) but still that human presence can mean and do more than 100 emails or texts or phone calls. When I meet new people now it's almost like I'm starting off at a disadvantage. Investing in a new friendship is something which I feel I have to do so I can have that sense of trusting someone (who isn't Ms. AllClick, my best friend) and knowing that when I'm sick someone cares, or when I have a happy moment I have someone to share it with. So I feel I'm at a disadvantage because the people I meet already have friends and best friends and well established relationships. They don't need to put the effort into a friendship with me as if it doesn't work out it's no big deal to them. They have "Bob" they have known for 15 years from high school or "Dave" they used to work with 20 years ago.

What I liked about going to University for my undergrad was that everyone I met was in the same situation as me. On their own. So there was that desire and need for relationships. I haven't seen that near as much with my grad degree.

So to finish I recommend getting in touch with an old friend. Maybe their "Sims"-esque friendship bar is still 100 with you even though you think it's a 50.