22 September, 2009
If only I could...
If only I could go back in time what I would tell to high school aged me.
High school was overall a positive experience for me. I was bullied a little when I first started at the new school but even now I don't think there was anything in particular about me that singled me out for bullying I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. While not really having a large group of close friends, I was in a large circle of people who liked to hang out and, I, like an antelope enjoyed the comfort and protection of the collective. The best times of school were hanging out with my close friends and learning to become more of an individual.
Still, I wish I could have given myself a few pointers. While inside my head I felt socially awkward I spent a lot of time just studying behaviour and trying to learn from my more popular peers. I would see what they would do, wear and talk about and then kinda adapt to my way of doing things, rather than imitate. To me, imitating was just a mindless thing to do that stunk of "suck-up-man-ship".
A good example of this is that one year at high school it was "cool" to wear a certain brand of shoes. I can't even remember what they were but soon all the "cool" kids were wearing them. I was aware that it was the cool thing to do but instead I bought shoes that cost a lot less, were a lot more comfortable but didn't look like I had no idea about fashion. It was the middle ground in my eyes and although no-one else wore the exact same shoes as me, I didn't really care and I secretly laughed at the "fringe cool kids" who were desperately trying to climb the social ranks.
I feel like I spent a lot of my time at school learning. Learning my books and from my peers. If only I could go back in time now I'd save myself from a lot of fretting.